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When was the last time you read about a ‘failure’ in a positive light? Generally, you see them paraded on news channels as the scum of society. The most entertaining failures for the media are those who used to be considered successes at one point. So we’re thrown these images in our faces, as an example of what not to become. And thus we grow up fearing failure or at least seeing it in a negative light. Starting from our school days, exams are made to feel like life or death. Bunk actually failing, sometimes it feels like even getting below 80% is considered a failure. So we stress ourselves out, constantly tense about failing, creating monstrous scenarios in our head. And we forget what failing is all about.

Fail Fast And Often
When you fail at something, it simply means that you did something wrong. If you don’t fail, how else would you know? That is why the motto in Silicon Valley is ‘Fail Fast’. Seems almost nonsensical to hear, but they live by it. There is no stigma in Silicon Valley of failing, so people aren’t afraid. They try, fail, learn from it, and make changes to try again. If Steve Jobs had stopped trying after he got fired from Apple, you wouldn’t have an iPhone. He got fired from his own company, he could have easily sat and cried into his pillow. No. He went and started another company. And then another. Until he finally got back to where he wanted to be.

The thing that any successful person will tell you is that they went through multiple moments of failure to get to where they are. Anybody who tells you otherwise is flat-out lying. There is not a single example of someone who has succeeded but has not seen some form of failure. So technically, by not failing you’re actually stopping yourself from succeeding.

Failure Is Just The Start
The trick is to not stop at any failure. Always look at failure as a learning opportunity. Sounds cliché, but why look at it as anything else? There is nothing to gain from looking at it negatively. When NASA was trying to send humans into space, hundreds of rockets exploded. Those were failures. But they still ended up putting a man on the moon in 1969. Just imagine if they had stopped. You wouldn’t have had Google Maps. Those failures led them to develop better rockets, led to more satellites being launched, which led to GPS. You’d have still been asking for directions from strangers.

Now, whenever you do fail, it’s going to be a shitty moment and you’re going to feel terrible. Nobody enjoys failing, you aren’t a robot. The point is how you respond at that moment. Can you rally yourself out of that feeling and onwards?

Let Failure Make Your Brain Work
You can overcome failure by increasing the odds of success. Often times we fail because we don’t create the right situations for ourselves. Did you put in the effort? Did you find all the solutions to a problem? Are you being honest with yourself or are you just lost in wishful thinking? Are you being realistic? These are all questions we must ask ourselves. If someone is putting in 40 hours of effort every week, and another is doing 80 hours, who are more likely to succeed?

The fear of failure should also make us relook at our motivations. If you’re afraid of becoming a singer because you’re afraid of failing, then you need to check your motivation. Maybe you want to be famous, more than you want to sing. You can as easily fail at business as you can at singing. You can also get fired from a job. So why fear failure only with singing?

There is no to-do list for success. All you need to do is fail. Set yourself up for failure so you know how it feels. The fear will slowly reduce and then start trying to set yourself up for success. You’ll still fail, it’s fine. Learn from it and move on. Fail again and again, but don’t stop. Fail, learn, move on. Do this enough and you will succeed. But if you stop, there is absolutely no chance of succeeding. When the moment comes, and it will come, how will you respond to it?

Published on January 30, 2021

‘Don’t be so indecisive.. Come on, hurry up.. Decide yaa..’

Oh, the pressure to make a decision hangs over us constantly. There is always something ‘important’ that requires a decision to be made. The best example is when we’re sitting in front of that Netflix homepage trying to figure out what to watch. Often we end up spending more time trying to decide, than actually watching something.

It might seem silly, but these are micro-decisions that we make all the time. Should you order a pizza or pasta? Sometimes we get lost trying to decide such simple things. We often think of ‘decision making’ as something which involves money or prestige or power. But you know that isn’t really true. Every decision can feel like a multi-million dollar decision.

So by chance, if you ask anyone for help in making a decision, most will tell you two things. ‘Beta make a pros and cons list’ and ‘Beta, trust your gut’. These are said so matter of factly that you feel silly wondering why you didn’t do this in the first place. But would you make a pros-cons list for a pizza? Also, can you really trust your gut?

Are you born with an ‘instinct’?

No. You develop instinct over a period of time. Sure, making a pros and cons list works sometimes, but you can also get lost in that list. We’ll search for an equal number of cons to match the pros, making that decision even harder than before. The trick is to do both, in a way. Analyze a situation that needs a decision, and then just take a quick decision. Don’t rush into it, because the thinking part is important as well. But take it nonetheless. Even if it’s the wrong decision at least your instincts will grow because that can only happen by making a decision. Sounds like a twisted loop, but that’s just how it is.

Finding ‘Tripwires’ in your life.

Sometimes though, it can feel like it’s too big a burden to bear. So find a trick around it. There is this concept of tripwires that Chip and Dan Heath share. When you feel like a decision is too big for you, break it down into small parts. ‘Tripwires’ are deadlines that you set for yourself, which force you into action. Say you want to apply to an Ivy League school. That decision is six months down the line and you’re not sure right now. So break it down. You need to give the SATs, that is one tripwire. You need to find a counselor, that’s another tripwire. Maybe you need an Ivy league mentor, that’s one. Maybe you want to do a Harvard summer school program, that’s another. So take these small steps, which force you to make smaller decisions. Now when you come to the big one, you’ve already gone through so many small ones, you’re ready.

Create a process that works for you:

• The first impulse is to make a knee jerk decision. Don’t.

• Narrow the problem and re-frame the question.

• Understand every aspect of the situation that needs a decision. Don’t let the small details go unnoticed and turn into problems later.

• Others might have faced the same problem, ask for advice.

• Look at it from a different perspective. What would your imaginary enemy want you to do?

• Avoid thinking about your past mistakes and getting stuck.

• See if there are any alternatives available to you.

• Prepare yourself that you could be wrong.

• Find some confidence and take a chance with your decision – ‘Trust your gut’

We don’t realize how small decisions in our daily life can affect our mood, our behavior, and even our dreams. It can feel like a lonely moment, but always know that there are others going through similar choices. Share in the comments below, a situation in your life that involved a tough decision. Who knows, maybe somebody else has a solution you never thought of? Maybe your choices help someone else think differently? Share and find out.